Balancing Anxiety with Awareness

As we entered this week, we were told to expect infection rates and death to dramatically increase. While we have consistently been told that things will get worse before they get better, this headline highlights the dread of this long march.

This long march

I begin every day with meditation, to get in touch with the state of my body and my mind. I simply sit up in bed, say prayers and rest with whatever is going on. The point isn’t to fix anything, to change anything but to rest in the nature of my mind. In the face of the intense suffering of people around the world, the desire to understand it, the fear of how the disease and the turmoil will evolve, the impulse to DO something, resting takes resolve.

Gone are the days when my thoughts floated among more mundane events and news and relationships. While there’s always something buzzing in my head, passing like clouds in my awareness, this p r o l o n g e d event has special weight and it presents a special opportunity. It calls me to be resolved and clear about what matters; people, kindness, consideration and care. It calls me to get out of my narrow concerns for myself and to pay attention to the welfare of others.

This solitary experience of writing is one of my feeble attempts to make a connection with others. While recording my thoughts in print may appear contrary to the experience of letting thoughts pass in meditation, it is a vehicle for facing the reality of today (recognize and release, recognize and release). While I would love it if someone benefits from my stories (connect with me), I am content with the connection that this exercise gives me to others. I intend to use it to to deepen my awareness without stealing my ability to be a support to others.

How Much News Can We Bear

In order to understand the daily news and make a connection, I am taking quite a bit of time to read and listen to the news of the day. I’m trying to discern the pattern of events, stories, edicts, and pronouncements. All this reading can take it’s toll on my psyche. It has the potential for generating anxiety and fear, grasping and avoidance.

This morning I woke wondering how these emotions are being processed. Am I capable of staying informed, bringing information to this blog, while maintaining a degree of balance? Can I maintain composure in the face of the pounding waves of uncertainty and death?

As I ponder my own ability to weather this storm of uncertainty, I wonder about the resilience and commitment of others (my community, state, nation and world). We have never faced an “event” that requires such extended commitment or concentration. We have been engaged in war. But while the conflicts in the Middle East have been raging for almost 2 decades, most of us, save the service men, women and families, have not felt the sacrifice and dread in our homes. This pandemic event is more aptly called an all-inclusive proceeding. Not only is it a slow process but no one is immune from it’s effects. It will require continuous adjustment on the part of everyone and a renewal of our intentions as it evolves.

Long Term Sacrifice

There is no doubt that this all-inclusive proceeding will continue through the years to come. The question is, will we unite as a nation following best health practices for the greater good OR will we take sides, argue and dilute the best advice of scientists under the banter of partisan opinion and individual autonomy.

Given the immediate resistance of some politicians to provide clear guidelines for isolating the virus, it seems likely that partisan opinion will persist. This will happen despite the fact that people’s physical health is at stake. Their objections to sheltering take many forms. One governor expressed doubts that people can handle isolation at home.

Even as Iowa’s coronavirus cases have grown to more than 1,000 with 26 deaths and the state’s medical board has recommended a stay-at-home order, Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds maintains that demanding people not leave their homes would threaten their mental health.

570News

Other state governors cite the economic impact (a reflection of their popularity). All appear to value their sense of autonomy more than pragmatism. They ignore the advice that stay at home rules will shorten people’s suffering while building a banner for doing it their own way. Having worked with rebellious teenagers, their opposition feels very familiar to me.

I realize that we will have differences of opinion and act differently. Just as people on the street conduct themselves in different ways; face mask or not, 6 feet or not, gathering or not. We should accept that this is going to be the case. But laissez faire leadership the muddies the water of healthy practice presents a much more dangerous precedent. I am puzzled by their audacity to count themselves differently than the rest of us and put their agenda in front of the health and welfare of the community.

The cost of gathering and spreading covid-19 will be born by us all. While individual rights and the right to act unilaterally against tyranny deserve respect, this is no such time. Their actions degrade the general welfare of our national community. It is selfish, and borders on neglect and dereliction of duty. The virus has no boundary, no nationality, no state identity. It favors human contact and WILL spread. While some lead and act on the behalf of the group, these contrarians act unilaterally just because they can.

https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/unilaterally

This pandemic is a lesson. We are learning a lot as we suffer through it’s mystery. But our insight will need to be applied consistently, across communities and over the long term. The virus and the remedies don’t leave much room for individual expression. They are beyond politics and negotiation. This isn’t something I or any leaders relishes or invites. How we adapt to the virus to provide distance, in the heat of increased infection or in the aftermath of rebuilding, will be shaped by creative solutions of individuals but the rules it imposes will be prescriptive. There is no negotiation of it’s existence or power. Take your medicine or take the consequences.

Time, Fear and Hope

The Latest Trend

What day is this? Oh! It’s Friday April 3. How long have we been sheltering? When did this start? I’m afraid I’m losing track.

Has time slowed down for you? It has for me. While my options for activity are more limited, there is no limit to the number of concerns I have, the number of reports, and the lack of resolution in all this information. There is steady stream of new and critical information entering my awareness and yet there is a short list of what I can do to make a difference. This stream is different than the regular news-noise we’ve become accustomed to over the past 3+ years. Rather it contains speculation about people living and dying, suffering, in isolation and facing present and possible loss.

I came across an interesting explanation for the time-warp we are currently experiencing:

There’s a well-known idea that time feels like it speeds up as you age. Summer break feels like an eternity when you’re nine years old but your 60s can skip by in a flash.

The leading theory for why this happens is that the perception of time relies on the number of memories formed in a period, and memories are encoded from new and surprising experiences. The monotony of commuting to work on the same road for 20 years passes without leaving a mark. But every day is a memorable surprise to a child experiencing her first summer camp, or learning how big the universe is for the first time.

Time slowed in March because for the first time since childhood many of us are being bombarded with new and surprising experiences.

Collaborative Fund

Surprise, novelty? These are things that modern people have come to crave aren’t they? The latest music, trend, fashion, technology, idea… The young have craved the “new” as long as I’ve lived and from what I know of history, they always have. Only the pace has changed. But now we are physically at full stop but mentally speeding, with eyes wide open to the novelty of change that is out of our control.

As I have aged I have less need for novelty. I am content with routines aimed at a few goals; family, friends, health, and understanding my world through reading, meditation and observation. Of course I appreciate surprises and a novel experience but I approach them differently than I did as a young man.

As a 64 year old man, days do fly by. It seems like only yesterday that my first grand-child was born, but now she is 7. At the same time she was born, I was retiring. I can’t believe I’ve been retired for 7 years! I returned from Asia 2 years ago. Time did slow while I was there. As I have recounted in my entries from that time, Nepal was like a dream – like a slow unfolding dream. Each day carried unexpected moments of sights, sound, smells and human interaction.

Young Men Nepal – David McGavock

This Present Moment

From what I am reading and hearing, there are but a few categories of activity in this moment of historical crisis. People are doing the best they can based on their geography, profession, age, and socioeconomic status. Some people are challenged with following necessary restrictions while providing service consistent with their profession. It is a shakeup of our sense of normal:

  • People sheltered at home. Limited activity of shopping for “necessities”, exercise, gathering with distance. “At least 297 million people in at least 38 states48 counties14 citiesthe District of Columbia and Puerto Rico are being urged to stay home.” While some of us are in a relatively secure home with access to food and shelter, some are unemployed, some are without shelter and food, some are in crowded situations or institutions where they are close to other residents.
  • People on the front line of health care. With families sheltered at home, these dedicated and precious individuals are working to hold the line on the pandemic. They are the doctors, nurses and all the support staff required to keep hospitals up and running. Some are overwhelmed in the current battle while some are waiting and provisioning for the coming emergency.
  • People on the front line of essential services. While “essential” is currently being debated, people DO need food and other supplies to keep going. Grocery stores, post offices, delivery services employ people who continue to provide us support. These people are exposing themselves every day as the public gets face to face. They are generally low paid and dependent upon the salary.
  • People working to secure supplies. hospital administrators, local, state and national agencies and leaders in a position to identify gaps and do their best to fill them.
  • People reporting on developments, providing information through print, digital and broadcast media. As we shelter in our isolated locations, there is an increasing need for accurate information; to guide our behavior, help us secure support, allay our fears, prepare us for the future.
  • People who are providing service from the shelter of their home. Teachers, unemployment personnel (State and Federal), therapists, social workers, lawyers, technology support services, banks, and other support services too numerous to count.

This is a simple snapshot of the current social shift of work in the United States. Some likeness of this is being mirrored around the world, though we are blessed with an infrastructure that makes adjustment easier than a village in Peru.

While news, digital communication and direct observation are providing us with a small window into the activities of our fellow citizens, each of these groups is experiencing this crisis differently. My small window into the hospitals in New York and other cities of high infection gives me some appreciation for their sacrifice, but it doesn’t do them justice. This ignorance of other’s effort is evident in the denial that some cities and states maintain, despite daily news of the tragedy. There is an attitude being above it all, continuing with business as usual.

Silver Lining of Fear

We are all hopeful that the tide will turn quickly and we can return to business as usual. At the same time we are fearful. Fearful for our personal safety, for our livelihood, for our children and our future. For some this fear is motivating and bringing us greater appreciation for our community and our blessed, comfortable life.

This moment of crisis can be a moment of clarity. We are fearful and want to protect ourselves and our loved ones. That’s understandable. This virus, shows us our connection, our interdependence. It shows us how our protection is dependent upon everyone in our midst in a chain of connection that goes all the way around the world. We can take this moment to share other connections; our kindness, compassion, appreciation. These are also infectious.

A retreat for Buddhists is a time for drawing a boundary. It provides one with time to come to terms with the mind and how it creates our reality. Isolated from daily distractions we are left with only our thoughts and feelings, the disturbed and the blissful. Through reflection we learn that we have a choice to create an angry world or a peaceful world. When we are willing to pay attention our thoughts we will discover one important source of our suffering – ourselves.

Paradoxically, this retreat (safe at home) can provide us with a sense of connection to others. In recognizing our personal suffering, we realize that all beings create suffering for themselves, even as they strive for happiness. Like a mother responding to the suffering of her child, this realization brings us compassion for others. I pray that this crisis, and the retreat it has forced upon us, will bring people to realize their common humanity and spark compassion for the welfare of all beings.

Storytelling for dis-ease

Yes, I have finally returned to my blog, to share my perspective on recent events, people, and personal adventures. Who needs more opinion, right? Please bear with me as I add to the noise with my own version of the truth. It will take me some time to get my writing feet again I’m sure.

Covid-19 is upon us and we are making an unprecedented adaptation to our way of living. It’s impossible to know how the virus will spread and the impact it will have. I think it’s safe to say that it will change our relationships and institutions. The change and the adjustments we make will be imprinted upon us like a duckling to it’s mother. I hope to record my version for myself and for anyone interested. So welcome… or see ya later.

No one can deny that there has always been a wealth of activity and change in our modern world. The speed of communication, and the pace of technological innovation are just two indicators of the rapid change. Yet human nature remains constant. Not only are our aspirations, history, and values pretty established, the security we seek and the pain we avoid keeps us on a path that can be traced – even anticipated. This can provide us with insight and (hopefully) save us from over reacting in times of trouble.

Memory

One of the biggest limitation we have is our memory. As we become bedazzled and entranced by the latest news, we lose track of the bigger picture. For example, how many times have you recalled a story in the press and been unable to recall who or where that story came from. Sometimes, within the day I have read a piece, I lose the reference . Our recall of yesterday’s events are also pretty cloudy. Younger folks probably are ahead of me in these memory tests but I would wager that you are taxed as well as you invite even more distraction into your life than I do.

Writing requires the exercise of my memory. When I commit my thoughts to the page I encode the memory a bit more. Our memories are an edited version of history rather than a snapshot. We re-write what has happened as we recall it. In the process of recollection (re – collecting memories) we interject modern impressions and hopes into the past collection.

Journaling as events unfold can help us be more conscious and therefore accurate in recording what happens. My hope is that this record will be worth looking at in the future, a fair account of my personal experience. A bonus would be that writing will enrich my experience and improve my decisions through these troubled times. At a minimum it will be a better record than the one residing in the soft grey matter in my skull.

It has been almost 2 years to the date of my last blog entry April 4th, 2018. That post described our re-entry into the United States from our travels in Asia. As we traveled, I was inspired to write by the novelty of our experience. There was never a dull moment and always a surprise around the next corner. Even in Nepal where we lived for 5 months and became accustomed to our friends and surroundings, surprises abounded.

Brace for Novelty

For better or worse, life has become pretty novel right here in the US lately. Human organization around the world are rapidly changing, adapting as I write. Changing fast and in ways that we cannot fully grasp. I compare it to my first automobile ride through Kathmandu, Nepal. As we drove from the airport, I stared out the window trying, but failing to make sense of what we passed. These pictures are too still to do justice to the inital confusion.

Streets of Nepal – David McGavock
Streets of Nepal 2 – David McGavock
Streets of Nepal 2 – David McGavock

Driving through the changing landscape of Covid-19, information is flying at hyper speed. At this point news organizations have given up reporting anything but changes related to Covid-19. If I didn’t know better I’d think that all those past problems are solved – NOT!

While I don’t boast great readership, I am going to re-invite some of you – my friends – to this site. I’ll try and provide some decent photographs related to my posts. Perhaps this will bring people back on occasion.

I hope you and your family and friends are finding your way through the new reality, safe from this silent enemy. I hope you are feeling some level of security and kinship with each other despite the storm.